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coming out of the cancer closet
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i turned 43 today. typically for birthdays i remove myself from whatever the day’s activities would normally entail and go for a walk, either to a favourite part of the city or to some new unexplored place. given my knees, this year (and last) i decided to stay close to home and play around with hallowe’en costumes as i was invited to a small party by neighbours. the awful dress pants are a bit of the costume i left on – more of the rest later.
six years and two days ago i was diagnosed with cancer, exact specification unknown at the time, but likely non-hodgkin’s lymphoma. nhl (the hockey cancer, a nurse brightly informed me) is the most common type of cancer and includes many diverse subtypes, some of them not terribly worrisome and some more deadly than a thousand cobras with guns soaked in cholesterol. my usual luck held up and i wound up on the nasty end of that continuum, though not at the extreme of it. that diagnosis comes with some cautions, though, as what i’m afflicted with is rare enough that no doctor wants to give much of a prediction for future events. i do know that not many people survive it, that it hits males of advanced age most typically, and that the subtype is still being nailed down and was first described in the late 70s or early 80s (and even that is argued about).
initially the doctors thought i had crohn’s disease or some super form of colitis or ileitis. after having had my gallbladder removed when it rebelled and transformed itself into a toxic pudding ten years ago, i was warned about potential gastric freakouts down the road. i paid attention to my pancreas (who doesn’t?) and had my bile tested from time to time. no real warning came until some heavy gastro-intestinal distress (the details of which i’ll spare you) hit in the summer of 2004, followed by light-headedness. thankfully i have a smart doctor for a gp and he ordered dozens of tests, finally resulting in the cancer diagnosis (by a group of young french interns who had a camera ten kilometres up my ass). after visiting sunnybrook hospital i had a team of oncologists and began chemotherapy.
chemo is rarely easy, but my initial experience wasn’t too bad. the first treatments made me feel a lot better right away, and having a plan of attack does wonders for you psychologically. my hair fell out in clumps and the skin around the follicles actually hurt, so shaving my head wasn’t pleasant. being bald was not a problem, but the pain was annoying, as was seeing my beard fall out in patches, along with pubic hair. i don’t shave, pluck, tweeze or manscape anything and frankly find that behaviour unappealing in the extreme, so i wasn’t happy with the situation. eventually they fine-tuned the basic CHOP therapy i was receiving and the alteration of some of the chemicals stopped the hair apocalypse.
the second stage of my chemo involved some rather more serious chemicals. initially the cancer was found only in my intestine, a large section of which was promptly removed (and hopefully made into a bitter haggis), but as testing continued, it was found that my pet cancer had invaded other areas of my body and more bits and bobs had to be excised. i signed on from the beginning to be a part of as many studies as wanted me, some that were meant to educate new oncology doctors and nurses and some that were narrowly studying my subtype so that oncologists globally could learn more about it. that decision helped me later on when my knees needed attention, as a doctor in munich i found on the internet had treated someone there with a similar cancer and we used some of his techniques on me.
the third stage was simultaneously much easier and much more difficult at times. by the time i was receiving the third variation of chemo, i was well used to it and my body was dealing well with the healing poisons. then my oncologist found cancer cells present in my spinal fluid and had to whip out a big gun. i had to get injections directly in my spine, and that is not a comfortable feeling. as well, i began donating and banking (for myself) bone marrow in case the cancer invaded there. donating bone marrow is easier now than it was in the past, i’m told, but they still have to restrain people at times. new positioning dulls some of the pain and stress, but the essential problem remains: dealing with a large-bore needle as it’s pushed deep into your back, penetrating your spine. inside that needle is a screw mechanism, and that is bored into the centre of your bone until it twists out a fairly big section of bone marrow. it’s a unique feeling to have someone insert a rather large gauge needle into your back and screw bits out of the core of your bones while you can hear this awful scraping sound, your back turned, knowing that you pretty much have to do this or go buy a headstone. the pain is fleeting, though – once the needle and auger are removed, you feel very little. at this stage of my cancer i felt great and was back to work, even riding my bike up to the hospital (6 kilometres, approx.) for some treatments.
some of the stress and trauma is terrible, some of it far less problematic. each patient is affected differently, and some warnings i received in my initial "so you have cancer!" class never manifested as irritations. i only ever had very mild nausea, thankfully, but patients around me could keep nothing down. some foods changed, though – avocados tasted like crap the whole time i was in therapy, but i now enjoy them again. acidic foods are to be avoided when in chemo, but i love tomatoes and citrus so would eat them as much as i could stand – small mouth lesions often develop in patients, but i either have an iron mouth to match my gut or the chemicals didn’t hurt me in that manner. i did wind up having to take steroids, though, and that’s the source of much of my knee trouble. they cut off or impair oxygenated blood flow to the joints and extremities and as i was warned, this can result in bone death. avascular necrosis is the official diagnosis, and i have it in spades. so, two knees are gone and i’m now a cyborg, something that surprised all the doctors – apparently it’s rare enough that one knee would die, let alone two. luck, as ever, is with me.
i mention all this now for a few reasons. at first i told very few people – those who know me well are familiar with my habit of not revealing personal data much unless it is required or those who i am informing are trustworthy, sensible people. i don’t believe that anyone has a right to know all of our secrets and private information, and i’ve stopped being bothered by the hurt looks of people who react badly when i tell them they are prying. i also thought that once the whole cancer deal was done and over with i would just resume my quiet little life and no-one would be the wiser. now, of course, with the knee replacements and gastro-adventures and other medical nonsense, it’s just too much work to not explain it all. even online, where it’s easy to misdirect others with shiny things, it still requires gymnastics at times to edit out some details, gymnastics i can no longer easily perform given the inert matter in my knees and skull. i explained this to a few people here and in real, non-online life recently since i knew this year i’d be letting the internet in on the secret. some i told earlier, particularly if they had to begin dealing with cancer or any other troubling illness and i felt i could help out. if you received no personal memo on the matter and you know me in real life or via komputron, don’t be offended, please. i’ve been busy.
this is a terrible photograph to attach all this to, but it had a certain charm to me. the hat was a gift from an old friend and it arrived last night. it’s too small and i don’t wear hats often, but it may stay. the shot also reveals a bit of what cancer does to a body, which is why i used it. not being able to use my legs the way i used to means more body fat and less muscle. that gut alarms me, and the time i’m allowed on the bike or in the pool at the gym isn’t enough to make me lose the fat yet. another six months or so and i should be in better shape, but that depends if nothing else goes wrong. the short-term prognosis is unclear – i’ve been doing bloodwork a lot, lately. the longterm? i’ve already lived past my initial expiry date, since the doctors collectively predicted i should have been dead withing two years of diagnosis, so i’ve had more than four extra years so far.
one final thing: one reason i’ve been reluctant to mention this to a whole host of people is due to bad reactions. for me, that includes having people fumble for words and then run off, never to be heard from again (really, it happens) to my least favourite, the gloopy outpouring of sympathy. usually accompanied by sad eyes and manifestations of enya songs, the hand-holding, weepy "i’m-so-sorry" routine is exactly what i don’t want and antimatter to my health. so, if you have syrup to pour, do me a favour and pour it down the gullet of a nearby child.
Pagan Summer (1965) … Why your memory IMPROVES with age (Well, up to a point, anyway) — Lost your thingamajig: Not to worry (13th January 2012) …item 2.. THE MOODY BLUES — In Search of the Lost Chord — 1968.wmv …
Image by marsmet525
Frustratingly, too, we can also find ourselves able to build vivid memory pictures of events that occurred decades ago, but incapable of remembering what we had for breakfast.
This is because the brain creates very different kinds of memories — and in mid-life some of our memory systems can become weaker than others.
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…..item 1)…. Mail Online … www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ … Why your memory IMPROVES with age (Well, up to a point, anyway)
By JOHN NAISH
Last updated at 9:17 AM on 13th January 2012
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2086003/Why-memory-IMP…
Senior moments? Forget them. Now it’s middle-aged muddle we must worry about. Scientists last week declared that our ability to remember everyday things such as names and numbers starts to go at the tender age of 45.
But before you resign yourself to spending the second half of your life as a mental basket-case, there is positive scientific news, too.
For memory is a strange and complex thing, as this guide to the mind makes clear…
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img code photo … Lost your thingamajig: Not to worry…
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-0-0F6FF7870000…
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—– First the bad news…
Last week’s study of more than 7,000 Whitehall civil servants revealed how our power of recall starts to decline earlier than previously thought. Men and women suffered the same 3.6 per cent loss in memory power between the ages of 45 and 49, revealed the ten-year study published online in the British Medical Journal.
Fears about age-related memory loss are hardly new. Plato wrote that when a man grows old, he ‘can no more learn much than he can run much’. But evidence of problems in mid-life is worrying because these may be the first signs of a condition called Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI). This is an accelerated loss of memory power that can, in about half of cases, turn out to be the first early sign of Alzheimer’s. Scientists believe that Alzheimer’s can begin in the brain two or three decades before serious symptoms appear.
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Nicotine patches ‘can slow mental decline’ and improve the memory of elderly people, study shows
Struggle to get out of your chair? Puffed-out on the stairs? Could you be growing old before your time?
I don’t believe it! We’re NOT a nation of Victor Meldrews… because the older we get the HAPPIER we are, study reveals
Regardless of our Alzheimer’s risk, though, we all seem to suffer some loss of mental capacity from a comparatively young age. Studies show that the processing speed in our brains slows down from our 20s onwards. ‘By mid-life, most of our brains show some fraying around the edges,’ says Barbara Strauch, author of The Secret Life Of The Grown-Up Brain.
‘People’s names are often the first edge to go ragged,’ she adds. ‘But the names are not technically gone. For the most part, it’s a problem of retrieval, not storage.’ This difficulty is not caused by a simple loss of brain cells. Scientists used to think that we lost 30 per cent of our brain cells through ageing. But recent studies show that the loss is much smaller. Instead, advancing years can bring a drop in the levels of chemical messengers in our brain — called neurotransmitters. As a result, memory-power can drop, and we can also find ourselves getting distracted more easily.
Research shows that much of what we learn is not missing; it just gets misplaced. Hence that frustrating sense of ‘it’s in there somewhere,’ when names, facts and figures elude our grasp.
Frustratingly, too, we can also find ourselves able to build vivid memory pictures of events that occurred decades ago, but incapable of remembering what we had for breakfast. This is because the brain creates very different kinds of memories — and in mid-life some of our memory systems can become weaker than others.
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img code photo … Alamy …
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-2086003-0F7057…
Wisdom of the ancients: Plato wrote that when a man grows old, he ¿can no more learn much than he can run much¿
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—– So how does your memory work?
There are several memory systems at work in the brain. One memory system comes into operation if you try to remember a place name or a phone number. Remembering things that can be expressed in language is called ‘explicit’ memory. Another memory system covers things of which you may not be consciously aware, such as how to ride a bicycle. That is called ‘implicit’ memory.
There is also short-term or ‘working’ memory and long-term memory. Short-term memory would be remembering a phone number for five minutes; long-term involves recalling it in a year’s time.
Such differences in memory types are all too familiar to Joshua Foer, an American writer and international memory champion who has honed his immediate short-term memory so well that he can recall details such as the order of a newly shuffled deck of cards.
But he admits memories that require a little more longevity are more problematic: only a few nights after he won the annual US Memory Championships in 2006, he forgot that he had driven his car into town to eat dinner. He took a train home instead.
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img code photo … Alamy …
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-2086003-0D2FCD…
An MRI scan of a human head shows the brain: Short term memories are formed in the hippocampus, scientists say, but where long term memories reside remains a mystery
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Short-term and long-term memories are stored in different parts of the brain. A structure in the brain called the hippocampus is key to short-term memory. This area normally grows new brain cells throughout our lives, and is responsible for processing information and retrieving it. It is one of the major areas that are damaged by Alzheimer’s, which is why short-term memory is one of the first casualties of the disease.
Long-term memory involves many disparate parts around the brain, which are called ‘association cortices’. One current theory of memory is that the hippocampus forms short-term memories and then squirrels some of them away for long-term storage in various cupboards — the association cortices. But we don’t yet know how the brain does this.
In fact, scientists remain unsure about many details of how memories are stored and formed. Mystery also surrounds the question of how we can remember events happening in the right sequence. Recent studies have shown, however, that an area of the brain called the medial temporal lobe is crucial to recalling events correctly: people who have suffered damage to this area through strokes have trouble remembering the plots of films or even personal anecdotes in the right order.
—– Senior moment – or something worse?
In normal age-related memory loss, short-term recall is usually most affected. In moderation, this is quite healthy. It is also natural to worry that such mid-life forgetfulness is a harbinger of something more sinister, such as dementia.
The ‘aha!’ test can indicate if you should be concerned. If you forget a word temporarily, but feel that it is on the tip of your tongue, and finally recall it with a sense of ‘Aha! That’s it,’ then your reaction is healthy.
This does not tend to happen with conditions such as Alzheimer’s, where people lose that sense of recognition when a memory is right.
—– It’s not just age that ruins memory
Growing older is not the only reason that our memory power may dwindle. Our ability to remember things can also be afflicted by our lifestyles. One common problem may be stress.
Studies show that quick bursts of stressful excitement can actually benefit our memory — perhaps because our brains evolved to rally their best resources when faced with an immediate threat such as a tiger in the grass. But long-term chronic stress, the sort that can grind into us with the constant demands of busy modern life, can damage our brain’s ability form new memories.
This is because constant high levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, can damage the hippocampus. Being soaked in cortisol dramatically reduces the ability of the hippocampus to produce new cells. This is linked to significant problems with concentration and memory, says research by the Stanford University scientist Robert Sapolsky.
Such difficulties can be increased because, ironically, in stressful situations we often depend more on memory for recalling certain things to help guide us through the problem.
—– Does modern life make us forget?
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img code photo … ALEX LENTATI
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-2086003-01EB2E…
‘Security protection code overload’: The profusion of PINs has many worried that they are losing their memory
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More and more people are anxiously consulting medical experts about ‘problems’ with their memory, in fear that they have early signs of dementia, according to Michael Saling, a neuropsychologist at Melbourne University. But, he says, they are often just suffering from a problem that psychologists have labelled ‘security protection code overload’.
Put simply, the worried patients feel mentally overwhelmed by all the numbers, codes and operating systems that they have to know in order simply to function in a computer-dominated environment.
That can lead to the common experience of ‘PIN-number amnesia’, where you find yourself standing in front of a cash machine, your mind a fearful blank, with an impatient queue forming behind you.
—– The good news…
Stresses and strains aside, modern life has good news for middle-aged brains. Neuroscientists have recently begun to discover how the mid-life brain, rather than giving up, instead reconfigures itself in order to cope.
As researchers at Duke University, North Carolina, and elsewhere have found, people in middle age begin to use two sides of their brains where previously only one might have been employed on a task.
This is called bilateralisation.
Commenting on this research, Barbara Strauch explains that as we age, the two sides of our brains become more intertwined, letting us see bigger patterns and think more broadly. Science may even have witnessed how ‘middle-aged wisdom’ grows in the brain. It used to be thought that the brain steadily lost myelin with age.
Myelin is the white-matter fatty coating of neurons which makes the connections in the brain work well by enabling electrical signals to travel through the brain quickly and efficiently — rather like the insulation on electronic wires.
When myelin withers, we may forget the names of people we’ve just met, or details of how to get to a new address.
New research shows that in mid-life, most of the myelin loss occurs in parts of the brain responsible for learning new things. The parts responsible for long-term memory show no such loss.
That would account for why we have trouble with new memories as we age, but not with our core knowledge. And something else has been found to happen — the level of myelin around people’s brains can continue to grow late into middle age.
Harvard University scientists who have witnessed this say that it may be a physical sign of the growth of ‘middle-aged wisdom’, where accumulated knowledge is being collated and networked more efficiently by the white matter.
—– How to protect your memory
Fortunately, health researchers believe there are ways in which we can significantly help to preserve our memory in later life.
The key is to stave off the sort of physical decline that can lead to mental decline and dementia. Dr Anne Corbett, of the Alzheimer’s Society, says: ‘Preventing dementia is all about everyday healthy living.
‘We have strong evidence for what medical conditions increase your risk. They are high blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, high cholesterol and depression. If you have these in mid-life onwards you are at higher risk of developing dementia.’
The human brain is the most complex piece of thinking equipment that has ever evolved. Your body is the life-support system for this very hungry piece of grey matter.
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img code photo … Alamy …
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-2086003-0D6CDD…
Brain training: Just a little daily exercise, like this Zumba class, could reduce the risk of the decline of your mental abilities, many studies have shown
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While your brain constitutes only about 2 per cent of your body’s mass, it uses more than a fifth of its energy production. Efficient supply and maintenance are vital. If your physical health declines, your brain — and its sophisticated systems of memory — are at serious risk of following suit.
Just taking a little more daily exercise could make a huge difference for millions of people. ‘More than 13 studies show that exercise can reduce risk by up to 45 per cent,’ says Corbett. ‘Evidence shows that the exercise does not have to be strenuous to have this benefit: it can involve active walking for around 30 minutes a day, three times a week.
‘The exercise just has to raise the heartbeat by a little, making you feel slightly breathless.’
‘Exercising’ your brain with expensive computerised ‘brain-training games’ will not provide any real benefit, though, says Dr Corbett. Studies show that you may get better at playing the games themselves, but the benefits go no farther, she explains. It is the same with crosswords and Sudoko. They should be enjoyed for themselves, rather than taken as a substitute for a healthy diet and exercise.
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img code photo … Alamy …
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/01/13/article-2086003-02F4B0…
Ginko biloba: A study of more than 3,000 adults found that it made no difference at all to memory retension
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And beware any claim about how any single food can boost your memory, says Corbett. Only last year, an important report in the Journal of the American Medical Association punctured the idea that the herbal supplement ginkgo biloba is a brain-saver. The study of more than 3,000 adults found that it made no difference at all.
Adopting broader healthy-eating habits can, however, significantly reduce the risk of dementia. A range of studies indicates that Mediterranean-style diets work best, as they are low in fat and salt and high in oily fish.
Avoiding junk food can have real benefits, too. A study last month in the respected journal Neurology found people with junk diets high in complex ‘trans-fats’ are more likely to experience the kind of brain shrinkage associated with Alzheimer’s than those who consume less of the artery-damaging fats.
There is another compelling reason why healthy eating can boost your memory: it helps to keep your weight in trim. People who are obese in middle age are 74 per cent more likely to develop dementia compared with those of normal weight, according to a 27-year study of more than 10,000 men and women in the British Medical Journal.
Laboratory studies conducted by the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences have found that caffeine strengthens brain connections. Drinking two cups of coffee a day appears to boost electrical activity between neurons in the hippocampus. The scientists say stronger connectivity means better learning and memory.
—– Memory plays tricks on us all
No matter how good our powers of memory, they can all be fooled. Because, whatever our age, memory is a slippery thing that can be grossly misleading.
A survey of 1,500 people last August by the University of Illinois found that most of us think that human memory is as reliable as a video camera that records information precisely. Moreover, around half of us think that our memories never change.
But scientific research shows the opposite is true. Even our most closely held recollections can completely change without us noticing.
Researchers who study how people remember momentous events have discovered that although people will swear faithfully that they remember exactly what they were doing when they first heard news of the event, their memory is wrong in about a third of cases.
John Seamon, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Wesleyan University, Connecticut, has studied this phenomenon and says that, oddly, it is possible that the more frequently we recall an event, the less accurately we remember it.
His research suggests that when we use our minds to recall a particular memory, we do not go back to the event itself, but rather to the last time we remembered it. Each recollection adds new flaws and reinforces previous flaws. Eventually, we settle on a version that we subsequently consider to be gospel truth.
‘This is not done on a conscious level,’ Seamon believes. ‘But people are figuring out: “Where was I?
What is the story I’m going to tell about this event?”’
After about a year of doing this, he says, the memory — including the false elements — solidifies and becomes the person’s constant ‘truth’.
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…..item 2)…. youtube video … THE MOODY BLUES — In Search of the Lost Chord — 1968.wmv …
98:43 minutes
www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8Ja4u8_RGQ
Esferadevidro
Published on May 29, 2012
THE MOODY BLUES — In Search of the Lost Chord — 1968(Deluxe Edition 2006)
Disc 1
In Search Of The Lost Chord 00:01
1-1 Departure
1-2 Ride My See-Saw
1-3 Dr. Livingstone, I Presume
1-4 House Of Four Doors (Part 1)
1-5 Legend Of A Mind
1-6 House Of Four Doors (Part 2)
1-7 Voices In The Sky
1-8 The Best Way To Travel
1-9 Visions Of Paradise
1-10 The Actor
1-11 The Word
1-12 Om
Disc 2
Alternate Versions & Out-Takes 42:17
2-1 Departure (Alternate Mix)
2-2 The Best Way To Travel (Additional Vocal Mix)
2-3 Legend Of A Mind (Alternate Mix)
2-4 Visions Of Paradise (Instrumental Version)
2-5 What Am I Doing Here? (Original Version)2-6 The Word (Mellotron Mix)
2-7 Om (Extended Version)
2-8 A Simple Game (Justin Hayward Vocal Mix) – 1968 Studio Recording
2-9 King And Queen – BBC ‘Top Gear’ Sessions
2-10 Doctor Livingstone I Presume
2-11 Voices In The Sky
2-12 Thinking Is The Best Way To Travel
2-13 Ride My See Saw – BBC ‘Afternoon Pop Show’ Session
2-14 Tuesday Afternoon – 1968 Single ‘B’ Side
2-15 A Simple Game
Category
People & Blogs
License
Standard YouTube License
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Image from page 355 of “Canadian grocer July-December 1895” (1895)
Image by Internet Archive Book Images
Identifier: cangrocerjulydec1895toro
Title: Canadian grocer July-December 1895
Year: 1895 (1890s)
Authors:
Subjects: Supermarkets Grocery trade Food industry and trade
Publisher: Toronto : Maclean-Hunter Pub. Co. [1887]-
Contributing Library: Fisher – University of Toronto
Digitizing Sponsor: University of Toronto
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Text Appearing Before Image:
Dalley with ahandsome reclining chair. The recipient of the honors above re-ferred to is a member of the well-known F.F. Dalley Co., and The Canadian Crocerhopes health may be again restored to him. N. S. AND P. E. I. MACKEREL. A ttip of Prince Edward Island mackereland another of Halifax, aggregating about500 barrels, came into Boston early thisweek, and sold at full prices. The receiptsof shore mackerel at both Boston and Glou-cester continue light, and the few sales madethere are at prices above a parity with theNew York market. TRAVELERS VS. GROCERS. Representatives of the Retail GrocersAssociation and the City Travelers Associa-tion, of Toronto, on Thursday decided thegame of baseball adjourned from the picnicat St. Catharines about a month ago. Thegame was played at the baseball grounds,and resulted in favor of the Travelers by 20to 19. The batteries were: Grocers, Davisand Snow ; Travelers, Humphries andClemes Another game will be played onWednesday next. 28 THE CANADIAN GROCER
Text Appearing After Image:
Branches— MONTREAL : 17 St. Nicholas St.TORONTO: Wright & Copp, 51 Colborne St.WINNIPEG: E. W. Ashley. THE ST. GROIX SOAP MFG. GO. ST. STEPHEN, N.B. WORK AND LEISURE. A DISTINGUISHED French thinkeronce remarked to a friend that onlythose who lived before the Revolu-tion had any idea of how charming lifemight be. The remark, writes P. F. Cook,in a contemporary, has its significance inthese days in America. We do not, as a na-tion, enjoy life. We lack repose. We hurrytoo much, and seemingly are determined totake our rest in eternity. We are missingthose social delights to which the French-man alluded as being characteristic of pre-Revolulionary days. We are becomingstupid, too, because we lack seriousness andnever take time to think. The societyof France at the time mentioned wascertainly fascinating from its delicate senseof refinement. Even the occasional out-burst of coarseness sparkled with the jewelsof wit ; now it is covered with the tarpaulinof respectability. The coarse fe
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